Janes Just Want to Have Fun
by the muffin man's daughter
Summary: Volturi randomness. GayAfton,Dora,Beyonce,JaneCasting,IM,Jane'sDiary,Tangelos, etc. Pretty much what the Volturi do when they're not "saving the world."
1. Jane Casting

**This chapter isn't so random… But the other chapters are! (Or so I've been told…)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

I stared at the computer in my room and waited for something to happen. Alec was reading some book about wizards. If you ask me, it was pretty dumb. I just typed in "Jane" in the search engine and the search results were boring. Jane Thompson, Plain Jane, _MyfriendJane by _Nevershoutnever! Then something interesting popped up.

_Twilight: Jane Casting_

"Ohemgee! Alec, look! They're finally casting someone as me!" I yelled.

"Keep it down. I'm trying to read. There's this guy and his name is Cedric Diggory and he DIES! Hey, you know what? I saw the movie. He looks exactly like Edward! It's so cool, Jane you should read it!" he said.

"Edward dies? Sweetness! ," I said. I looked at the possible person: Dakota Fanning (I screamed in happiness). I was the BIGGEST Dakota Fanning fan on Earth!

There were other people that people thought should play me, like: Jodelle Ferland (no comment) and Bella Thorne (she has the same name as Bella). Dakota Fanning all the way!

Alec finally put the book down and walked over to the computer desk. "Who's playing me?" he asked.

"Oh, sorry. I guess nobody really cares about you," I said. "They haven't picked anyone for you yet."

"That's mean! Those people are meanies! Oh well. Oh my gosh, is that Dakota Fanning? She is HOT!" he screamed.

"I'm her biggest fan and you're not!" I taunted.

"No I am!" he yelled back.

"Whoa, this picture of her with red eyes and a black cloak is cool," I mused.

"She looks hot," Alec said as he picked up a black journal. Shoot. That. Was. My. Diary.

"Alec, no!" I screamed.

"You…have a crush on _Edward Cullen? _'His eyes are like golden pieces of popcorn.' That sounds do stupid! Wait—I hate Bella because she stole Edward from me?" he laughed. "That is even stupider!"

"I'm going to kill you!" I growled. So I unsuccessfully tried to rip Alec's head off.

**The End. Review please!**


	2. Beyonce and Willy Wonka

"_All the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies," _sang some Beyonce lady.

I was watching the music video and it is utterly BORING. Someone knocked on the door and I said, "Come in," with as much no-feelingness as I could.

The door creaked open and Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Ashley Greene, Kellan Lutz, and Jackson Rathbone came in. Someone was missing.

"Where's Nikki?" I asked.

"She died," Jackson said simply.

"How?" I asked.

"She got poked to death by unicorns," Ashley started.

"And got eaten by llamas," Rob finished.

I made no comment. Ashley poked his cheek and Jackson opened his mouth. _Hips Don't Lie _by Shakira started playing.

_  
Ladies up in here tonight  
No fighting, no fighting  
We got the refugees up in here  
No fighting, no fighting_

Shakira, Shakira

I never really knew that she could dance like this  
She makes a man wants to speak Spanish  
Como se llama (si), bonita (si), mi casa (si, Shakira Shakira), su casa  
Shakira, Shakira 

Willy Wonka danced into the room in a suit of melting chocolate. "Candy for all! Tee hee! Spread the love! Tee hee! I love you! Tee hee!"

One of his oompa loompas came in and ate Kristen Stewart alive. Mwuhahahahaha! Rob is MINE! Wait—I like Edward, not that ugly "actor." Edward is beautiful!

"Bună ameninţător prietenă," Edward said, bowing. "Voi a presimţi plăcere polios batătură."

"Why are you speaking in Romanian?" I asked.

"Cuz we visited Stefan and Vladimir in Romania, silly little Janie," Kristen, who was in the oompa loompa's digestive organ, said.

"Silence, peasant!" I screamed, jabbing a finger into the oompa loompa's stomach.

"Hush. Let us watch Silent Hill in peace," Kellan said. "We shall watch young Jodelle Ferland be creepy."

So everyone sat around the campfire and sang that campfire song, that c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g.

Alec came in wearing a fruit basket hat. "I wanna cheeseberry muffin!" he screamed.

"Cheeseberry muffins don't exist, Alexis. Now go away. We're watching Ni Hao Kai Lan and we're learning Chinese!" Ashley yelled.

Alec walked away, dejected. "My name is Alec. And I am a survivor!" he yelled over his shoulder.

**Reviews make me happy. Make me happy! Please.**


	3. Afton Isn't Straight

We sat around the captive, Patricia R. She was tied to Felix, who we would also kill. Patricia was madly in love with Jacob, but claims that she is also madly in love with Edward. She knew our vampiric secrets. Her handbook: the Twilight Saga.

Aro: That makes no sense!

Trisha: I can love two people, can't I?

Demetri: No!

Trisha: Why not?

Demetri: Cuz I said so.

Trisha: You like Heidi and Renata, don't you?

Heidi: Excuse me?!?

Demetri: No, Heidi, this woman is crazy! Kill her, Aro, kill her! Then feed her to Caius!

Caius: Pika?!?

Demetri: You haven't eaten in a while.

A blonde haired girl comes in and shot me with a gun. "My name is Julia S. and I hate Jane! Mwuhahahahahaha!!! Mi was wrong—Jacob is better than Jane!"

An Asian girl came in. "Julia, be quiet. Jane is better than Jacob. By a lot."

I watched their conversation, dumbstruck. "You did not just say that!" Patricia and Julia screamed.

The Asian girl yawned. "I did. Deal with it. Umm, I'm gonna take a nap and—"

Another Asian girl came in. "Lily Evans is better than Jane and Jacob!"

Everyone gasped. "A Harry Potter fan! I didn't think they existed!"

A weird looking mushroom-shaped Asian kid came in. "Look! We're doing a class play on Twilight!"

"What the heck are you talki—" I started.

"Shh. Let us hear him out. This could be interesting," Aro mused.

Mushroom kid pulls out a piece of paper. "Eh hem. Ryan will be Aro,"—Aro clapped in delight—"Julia will be Jane, William will be Vladimir, Monique will be Rosalie, Mia will be Alice…"

He droned on and on. Boring. Caius threw a knife at the mushroom kid and ended his short life. Oh well.

"Spiderman, Spiderman. Does whatever a spider can," sang a random voice. "Dora, Dora, Dora the explorer. It's a big world. Such a big, big world."

Everyone turned to a corner in the room where Afton was listening to his iPod. "I feel connected, protected, it's like you're sitting right with me all the time."

"I'm ashamed to call him my mate," Chelsea said.

Afton started singing louder. "Don't call me, leave me alone, not gonna answer my phone. Cuz I don't, no I won't see you. I'm out to have a good time, to get you off of my mind. Cuz I don't and I won't need you."

Everyone stared in disbelief.

"Hey boy, don't you wish you could have been a good boy? Try to find another girl like me, boy. Feel me when I tell ya I am fine and it's time for me to draw the line," he sang.

"Could it be?" Felix asked.

"That…" Renata whispered.

"Afton is gay?!?" everyone screamed.

"No, no, no! He's not! He's just…strange!" Chelsea yelled.

Aro frowned. "It's hard to believe something that comes from one who is the girlfriend of a gay."

"HE"S NOT GAY!" she screamed.

**Review please~!**


	4. Life Lesson One

**Alec's POV**

I was bored. Very, very bored. Volterra is boring! Heidi walked past my door and I threw the computer at her. It crashed against her skin and I had an uncontrollable fit of laughter. She glared at me and continued to walk down the hall. I ran out of my room and into the hallway.

"Heidi, guess what?" I yelled.

"What?" she asked as she looked into the mirror.

"You're fat!" I screamed as I laughed.

"Alec. You. Did. Not. Just. Say. That. I. Will. Kill. You!" she screamed as she lunged at me.

I ran for my life into the throne room. Aro was reading a weird magazine with a lady that had barely any clothes on the cover. "Oh, hey, umm, what's up?" he asked as he threw the magazine away.

"Heidi's a psychopath! She's trying to kill m—" Heidi caught me and ripped me to shreds.

* * *

Marcus threw me across his lap and put on his glasses. (Why the llama's milk does he wear those?) He pulled out a glass box labeled _Marcus's Sewing Box_. He began to sew me back together.

"You see, Alec? The moral of the story is that the next time you call Heidi fat, you run first," he said.

I nodded. But there would never be a next time.

**Boooorrriiing! Kay please review.**


	5. The Foreign Dance Teacher

Dedicated to Stacey—the best dancer in class and one of my best friends!

"Kumusta ka na. Ang pangalan ko ay Stacey," said our new dance instructor. The last one died. How? I really don't know. Aro insisted on getting us a new teacher because he didn't want us to be lazy.

"You're boring, lady. I really don—" I started.

"Oh aking kabutihan! Tahimik kayo!" she barked at me.

"_What?_" I asked.

"Allow me," Demetri said. "'Oh my goodness! Be quiet!' But really, Jane, shouldn't you know this already?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

Stacey slapped a hand to her forehead. "Jane, omaette honto ni baka dana a."

"That's Japanese!" I screamed. "You are insane, woman! Insane!"

Stacey snapped her fingers in Z formation. "Oh no you di-in't!" she said, in plain English.

"You…Speak _English_?" I asked.

"Yes! I'm your language teacher, you idiot!" she screamed.

"Language teacher?" I repeated.

"Yes! L-a-n-g-u-a-g-e t-e-a-c-h-e-r!" she spelled.

"I thought you were our dance teacher," I said.

"And I thought you were the queen of the idiots—wait, you are," she snapped.

"Oh no you di-in't!" I said, snapping my fingers in Z formation.

"Oh yes I di-id!" she said.

"I like to mash potatoes with my toes. Would you like some?" Alec asked.

"You people are psychopathic morons! I am done!" Stacey screamed as she ran out the door screaming, "Insanity! Insanity! Insanity!"

Aro walked in, eating a tangelo. "Wheresh did Shtashey go? I shpent five dollars to pay that woman, you know," he said between bites.

"Aro! That's MY tangelo!" Felix screamed.

"First of all, you did not just call me Aro. Second of all, too bad!" Aro screamed.

Felix charged at Aro with a scythe around and around the room.

**For those of you who don't usually review, would you please review? Bye bye!**


	6. Jane Casting Two and Math Lessons

**OMG I'm dying of happiness! Dakota's Jane! Right now I'm hyperventilating like crazy. Okies… **

I stared at the computer. I couldn't believe my eyes. Dakota Fanning. Is. Playing. Me.

"ALEC!" I screamed.

He rushed in, a scared look on his face. "I didn't do it!"

"What?" I asked.

"Oh! Uh…Never mind. What did you want to tell me?" he asked.

"Dakota Fanning's playing me!" I screeched.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so jealous!" he screamed. "Why couldn't she play _me_?"

"Because you're not a female," I said.

"Oh, really?" he asked.

"Really," I said, smirking.

"But I'll always be more feminine than you, Janie," he said, smiling a smile that did make him look like a girl.

"I CAN BE GIRLY!" I screamed.

"You…can be girly? No, no, no. Bad mental image," he said.

"Well, I can. And I'm not going to prove it," I said.

"Why?" he asked

"Cuz I can't," I admitted.

"We have to go to class. Let's go," he said, laughing uncontrollably.

* * *

"If there are three kitties, and one gets hit by a truck, how many kitties are there?" asked our teacher.

"Wisconsin?" Felix asked.

"No, Felix. That doesn't make sense at all," said our teacher.

"As Albert Einstein once said, 'The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits,'" Renata quoted, smiling at the ceiling.

"Excuse me?" Felix said.

"You can be excused," she said, waving her hand.

"Ugh! I hate you!" Felix screamed.

"Quiet down, kids," said the teacher. "Does anyone have an answer?"

Alec raised his hand and said, "Two?"

The teacher laughed a donkey-like laugh. "I never said that the kitty died! I crack myself up. Next question. Okay, there are—Demetri! Why are you late?!?"

Demetri had just walked into class. "I'd love to go out with you!"

"What in the name of all things sane does that mean?"

"I like whales."

"Boy, go see a doctor!"

"My name is Helen."

"You're a boy!"

"Food is edible."

"Of course it is!"

Heidi came in, holding hands with a nerdy human. Our teacher narrowed his eyes and asked, "Heidi, would you like to introduce us to your friend?"

"This is John."

"Yes, and?"

"John's a person."

"That's not very descriptive, Heidi."

"Wonder pets, wonder pets, we're on our way to help a baby animal and save the day. We're not too big, and we're not too tough. But when we work together we've got the right stuff! GO Wonder Pets! YAY!" Afton screeched.

"Afton, shut up," Chelsea muttered.

"Chelsea honey, guess what?"

"What?"

"I have a new favorite band."

"Oh no."

"The Doodlebops!"

"Noooooo!!!"

Aro came out of nowhere and shrugged. "He really is gay."

**Press the review button and review please!**


	7. Band Trip

**This is based on our school's band trip to ____ Catholic High School. It's a TRUE STORY!!! **

**Disclaimer: I do not and never will own Twilight or the songs. EVER! **

"We're going on a band trip! We're going on a band trip! We're gonna meet new people! Hooray!" Felix yelled as he skipped through the hallway.

"What band trip?" I asked as I bit my cheeseberry muffin.

"Aro said that we're gonna—" he started.

"If I were a rich girl… na na na na na! I'd have all the money in the world if I was a wealthy girl!" Afton sang.

We stared at him in shock. "I'm a rich girl," Heidi said as she came in wearing showy and revealing clothes.

"No. You're not. You're a poor girl," Afton said stubbornly.

"Don't say that about my girlfriend!" Demetri said.

"Since when are you with Heidi?" I asked.

"Since the day I first laid my hands on her."

"Hands…? What do you—oh, no! Oh, goshness, no!"

"Yup. Heidi lost her vir—"

"Shut your mouth! Please! I beg of you!"

He shrugged. "Okay, Jane. Anyways, Felix, what schools are we going with?"

"Covens. We're going with covens. We're going with the Olympic losers, the Irish weirdos, the uncivilized Amazons, the crazy Egyptians, the insane Denalis and those who must not be named in this castle." Felix scowled.

"Okay." Demetri smiled. "I love Stefan. I'm his number one fan."

"What?!?" everyone screamed.

"Never mind. Everyone get their instruments! The bus is coming!" Demetri said as he ran down the hallway.

I went into my room and got my saxophone. Heidi went to get her harp, Felix went to get his drums, and Afton went to get his conducting stick. Alec was in our room searching for his flute.

"Where is meh flute? Jane I can't find meh flute!" he yelled.

"It's under your pile of ___ magazines," I said, pointing at the pile of dirty magazines.

"Oh yeah, thanks Jane," he said as he threw the magazines out the window and grabbed his flute case. "Let's go, the bus is here."

I followed him out the door. The bus was here, but no one else was on it. "Where's everyone else?" I asked.

Our bus driver spoke up. "You're the first ones here. Now get on the beep! bus before I leave you beep! kids here in this beep! place. I have two rules, and that's to be quiet at all times. No shouting and no eating."

Everyone got on the bus with their instrument cases. "What school are we going to?" Felix asked.

"Hogwarts. You're going to perform in front high school kids." The bus driver yawned.

"Cool! High school kids are cool! Wait—I'm in college…" Demetri said sadly.

"This is an elementary school. Did you get held back for like, three million years?" the bus driver asked sarcastically.

"We don't even go to school!" I muttered.

"That would explain your lack of knowledge," the bus driver muttered back.

We flew through the air and dived into the sea. "Why are we swimmin'?" Felix asked. "Busses don't swim."

"But this bus does so deal with it before I shove a beep! Up your beep!." The bus driver said.

"Yes, ma'am. I mean sir!" he added. Everyone started screaming and laughing like crazy.

"Shut up! I specifically said 'no shouting!' Anyways, we're in Egypt," Mr. Bus Driver said.

Amun, Kebi, Benjamin, and Tia came on the bus with instrument cases. They were quiet, unlike us. Their tunics were tucked in and their hair was neatly combed, unlike our improper cloaks and messy hair. Someone started singing _Hot and Cold _by Katy Perry.

"'Cause you're hot and you're cold, you're yes and you're no! You're in and you're out, you're up and you're down!" Everyone sang.

The Egyptians stared at us open-mouthed. "They are lunatics," Amun whispered. "You are to never talk to them."

The rest of the Egyptians nodded. "We're in Ireland!" Mr. Bus Driver screamed.

Maggie, Siobhan, and Liam came in. Like the Egyptians, they were quiet, neat, and proper. The rest of the covens came in later, all of them quiet, neat, and proper. And all of them continued to stare at us, the loud, singing, shouting, eating, and dancing coven. We saw their schools, and they looked so much more prestigious than our school. They had automatic gates, and we had chain link fences.

"You're my cuppycake!" Felix sang as he ate popcorn.

"You! No eating! Do you not listen to my rules?" Mr. Bus Driver screeched. "We've reached Hogwarts. Get out."

* * *

_The ride back…_

I sat close to some huge kid and poked him. "Hey. Do you like waffles?"

"What?"

"Do you like waffles?"

"No."

"Do you like French toast?"

"No."

"Do you like pancakes?"

"No."

"Okay," I said as I leaned against my seat. Alec sat right next to the huge kid. He looked so very tiny compared to the huge kid.

"Hey! I think I saw you at our last concert!" Felix yelled at some kid.

"What?" the kid asked.

"Oh yeah! It _is _you! You're the kid with the big head!" Felix yelled.

"Jasper, don't listen to him. Shh, shh, don't cry, Jazz…" a tiny pixie soothed. Alice Cullen! Next to Bella Swan I hate her! She thinks she's so cool…

"Aro!" Heidi yelled across the bus. "Renata has a crush on you!"

"I do not!" Renata yelled back.

"Yes you do! Admit it already!" Heidi screeched.

"Girls, girls… Quiet down," Aro said at the front of the bus, covering his face in embarrassment.

"We're in Volterra!" Mr. Bus Driver screamed. We flew into the school's parking lot.

"Where's your school?" some guy asked.

"It's that building over there," Corin said, pointing at our castle.

"That's a school?" the kid asked.

"Yes," everyone replied.

The kid stifled back laughter, like everyone else on the bus. "Okay… Bye," he said.

We left the bus and skipped into the castle.

**Somewhat wandom, but please review! **

**OUR CAST! **

**Jane- Erin (btw he's a guy)**

**Alec- Alex**

**Heidi- Shelley**

**Renata- Angela R. **

**Aro- Mr. Kuehn **


	8. How to Act like the Volturi

**Thanks to the few people who reviewed! It helped me with… uhh..stuffs!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

How to Act like the Volturi and Their Guard 

Aro: 1. Don't worry, be happy

2. Act greedy

3. Learn how to "float walk"

Marcus: 1. Be emo/ apathetic

2. Become a lifeless wreck after your pet goldfish dies

3. Talk to no one about your problems

Caius: 1. Be sadistic

2. Live your life as a pyromaniac

3. Kick your neighbor's dog (please, please, please don't!) and blame it on the mailman

Demetri: 1. Act like you know where you're going, even if you don't

2. Act polite

3. Be nice to Heidi so she'll pay more attention to you

Felix: 1. Be Emmett

2. Act HUGE!

3. Be the bear. Feel the bear. Smell the bear. Kiss the bear.

Jane: 1. Be Caius

2. Set everything you see on fire, including your older brother's favorite things

3. Be mean to everyone, but act sweet and innocent to adults

Alec: 1. Be Carlisle

2. Protect your little sister at all times, even if she's meant to you

3. Be nice to everyone you see and smile and nod when you're supposed to

Heidi: 1. Be Rosalie

2. Wear clothes that show your outer beauty

3. Make yourself pretty (Yes, I'm aware that you're not, but at least try)

Chelsea: 1. Be Cupid

2. When you see two people that are meant for each other, try to set them up!

3. blank

**I would put Afton, Corin, Santiago, etc. in but I'm not sure about their personalities… Review please! **


	9. Heidi and Demetri Love Bipolar Part One

**-Heidi and Demetri Love Bipolar Part One- **

**The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson edited by Mi**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! Not even a decent pair of shoes**

Demetri has a love bipolar relationship with Heidi. He loves her, he hates her… Now he hates her. No one knows why.

Demetri's POV

_If you were falling  
Then I would drop you_

Heidi fell out the window (snickers. Know one knows _how, _but me) and she screamed at me to catch her. I let her fall.__

You need a light  
I'd set you on fire

It was dark, so she asked for light. I said okay and set her on fire.

_Cause I hate the way that _

_you say you love me  
Because you don't_

She told me she loved me, but she lied.

_  
If you are chilly  
I'd let you freeze_

She's always cold, I mean, look at her skin!

_Your head is aching  
I'll throw stuff at it _

She never has a headache. Pooh. I can't do anything about that.

_I'd rip off all of your hair  
When it starts to fall off_

Already done. Yay me!

**Boring… Ah wells. Please review! Heidi's POV coming up!**


	10. Heidi and Demetri Love Bipolar Part Two

**Heidi and Demetri Love Bipolar Part Two**

**Hot and Cold by Katy Perry**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Heidi's POV**

Something's wrong with Demetri… I mean, one day he's always around me and the next day he avoids me! Avoids! That could only mean one thing…. Love bipolar! Gasp! I know what to do! I'll put on a show for him! I found Demetri sipping tea in the lounge and I grabbed him and brought him into the theater. I went onto the stage and disco clothes appeared on my slender body.

I grabbed the microphone and started singing.

_You change your mind  
Like a girl changes clothes  
Yeah, you PMS like a chick  
I would know_

And you always think  
Always speak cryptically  
I should know  
That you're no good for me 

_'Cause you're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in and you're out  
You're up and you're down  
You're wrong when it's right  
It's black and it's white  
We fight, we break up  
We kiss, we make up_

_You, you don't really wanna stay, no  
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh_

'Cause you're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in and you're out  
You're up and you're down

We used to be just like twins, so in sync  
The same energy now's a dead battery  
Used to laugh 'bout nothing  
Now you're plain boring  
I should know 

_That you're not gonna change_

_'Cause you're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in and you're out  
You're up and you're down  
You're wrong when it's right  
It's black and it's white  
We fight, we break up  
We kiss, we make up_

_Someone call the doctor  
Got a case of a love bipolar  
Stuck on a trollercoster  
Can't get off this ride_

_You're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in and you're out  
You're up and you're down, down, down, down..._

"Heidi…" Demetri called. "You spe—"

"What?" I asked.

"You spelled rollercoaster wrong. It's supposed to be 'r-o-l-l-e-r-c-o-a-s-t-e-r,' not 't- r-o-l-l-e-r-c-o-s-t-e-r.'" He shook his head.

"That's not the point!" I screamed. "And how do you know I spelled it wrong? I didn't even type it!"

"Yes, you did. Look up at the lyrics. You spelled rollercoaster wrong. Tell the author to go fix it," Demetri sighed.

"Yeah...Umm, Mi? Can you fix it please?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure. For fifty bucks. I wanna buy Pokemon Platinum," the author said.

"I don't have fifty bucks!" I yelled.

"That's too bad, really, it is. No money, no change. That's America," the author said.

"We're in Italy!" I screamed.

"Yes, but I'm in America."

"How?"

"I'm virtual. See?"

"No."

"Oh. Okay, then. Bye!"

**Please review!**


	11. You Don't Know Who Obama Is?

**You Don't Know Who Obama is?!?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Barack Obama. Or anyone else mentioned below.**

"Obama, Obama, Obama! Party like a Barack star!" Felix sang.

"Who's Obama?" I asked.

Everything shattered. Everyone ran up to me. Everyone screamed, "YOU DON"T KNOW WHO OBAMA IS?!?"

"No," I said. "I know who Edward Cullen is. He's my future husband."

"Barack Obama is America's president! You know how Lady Gaga is our president?" Felix asked.

"No. Who's Lady Gaga?" I asked.

Everything shattered. Everyone went crazy. Everyone screamed, "YOU DONT KNOW WHO LADY GAGA IS?!?"

"No. But I know who Bella Swan is. She's a whiney brat," I said.

"Lady Gaga is a singer in America!" Heidi shouted. "You know like Gwen Stefani?"

"No. Who's Gwen Stefani?" I asked.

Everything shattered. Everyone went insane. Everyone screamed, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHO GWEN STEFANI IS?!?"

"No. But I do know who Alice Cullen is. She's a future seeing psychopath."

"Gwen Stefani is a musician!" Demetri screamed. "You know, like Alvin and the Chipmunks?"

"Who are Alvin and the Chipmunks? Insane drug dealers?" I asked.

Everything shattered. Everyone went mad. Everyone screamed, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHO ALVIN AND THE CHIPUNKS ARE?!?"

"No. But I do know who Irina Denali is. She's dead," I said.

"Alvin and the Chipmunks are savage animals," Corin said. "You know, like Caius on Tuesday mornings?"

"Who's Caius?" I asked.

Everything shattered. Everyone went loony. Everyone screamed, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHO CAIUS IS?!?"

"No. But I do know who Michael Jordan is. He's a shoe," I said.

"Caius is a pyromaniac," Renata explained. "You know, like Ni Hao Kai Lan?"

"Who's Ni Hao Kai Lan?" I asked.

Everything shattered. Everyone went berserk. Everyone screamed, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHO NI HAO KAI LAN IS?!?"

"No. But I do know who Albrecht Durer is. He's a human camera," I said.

"Ni Hao Kai Lan is the more mature version of Dora," Afton explained. "Dora is a wannabe Rosetta Stone."

"Who's Rosetta Stone?" I asked.

Everything shattered. Everyone went pandemonium-ish. Everyone screamed, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHO ROSETTA STONE IS?!?"

"No but I do know who Mickey Mouse is. Mickey Mouse is the main character of Disneyland," I said.

"Rosetta Stone is—wait, we don't know who Rosetta Stone is," Santiago said.

"**That is the end of "You don't know who Obama is." Thank you for reading. Now, if you will, please click the review button," everyone said as they bowed.**


	12. YOU ATE YESTERDAY?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

Aro is on the phone with some lady from Java.

**Aro: **Yeah. I ate yesterday

**Caius: **YOU ATE YESTERDAY?!? YOU MONSTER! HOW COULD YOU?!?  
**Aro: …**

Yup.


	13. IM

**I don't own anything below!**

m e: KYAAAAAAA!!!!

m e: ATTTAAAACK!

m e: HIIIYAA!

jef: i cant defeat fantina even with gardevoir and gallade

jef: what the heck are you doing?

m e: oh i love them!

m e: back to work..

m e: MWUHAHAHAAHAAA!!!

m e: DIE EVIL MENACE!!

jef: -.-'

m e: I'm going to make a chapter on this! ole!

jef: ?

m e: i should prolly change your name

m e: what would you like?

jef: idk

jef: idc though

m e: IDK IT IS!

je: what?!

m e: IDK IT IS!

**Jef's name has been changed to idk**

idk: why?

m e: BECAUSE! Anyhoo Im going back to work.

m e: OOOOWAAAAH!

**Jane Volturi has signed in**

Jane: Hi I'm going to kill you now

m e: Yay!

Jane: Why are you so happy?

idk: i own u in pone noob!

Jane: Excuse me?

idk: i own u in pone noob!

Jane: …

**Master Aro has signed in**

Master Aro: Sup dawgs wassup

Jane: That is so not you.

Master Aro: I am, like, so happy that, like, I, like, got a new, like, pair of shoes at the, like, mall!

Jane: That is just plain scary.

**Walter the Earl has signed in**

Walter the Earl: Advance the host! Death to the invaders!

Jane: Who are you?

Walter the Earl: I am Walter the Earl, brave and fearless! My hometown is Slipper-on-the-Water!

Jane: Where the heck is that?

Walter the Earl: In the secluded valley of the Land between the Mountains.

**Gummy has signed in**

Gummy: Spring ting a ling spring! Walter the Earl was very grand, yet he was so very bland!

idk: OMG THEY'RE ALIVE!!!

Walter the Earl: Of whom are you speaking of?

idk: YOU GUYS! YOU'RE FROM A BOOK!

Walter the Earl: I am afraid I do not understand you.

Jane: Me neither.

Walter the Earl: A MONSTER! IT'S A MONSTER!!! GUMMY, RUN!

**Gummy and Walter the Earl signed out screaming their heads off**

**Everyone else signed out**

**The author signed out**


	14. REQUESTS!

**Cool! I got 19 reviews! Most I've ever had… Anyhoo… I'm taking REQUESTS!!! I guess.**

Announcer: Hello, welcome to Request a Topic! Here we have our guest, Mi the Author!

Mi: Hello, Marion.

Announcer: Shhh! Don't say that in public!

Mi: Sorry, Mary. It's too late. Anyhoo, what would YOU like to read?

Announcer: Yes. What _would _you like to read?

Mi: That is what we are doing.

Announcer: Yes.

Mi: Okay, bye! Commercial break put it to commercial break!

Jane turned off the TV. "I want to read a story where Bella Swan dies. I'll go write a review!"

**So tell me what you want (by reviewing) and I'll attempt to write it! Bye! **


	15. Request 1 Bella Dies Repeatedly

**PG-13 I guess… Okay! Request One-Bella Dies! **

**Requestors: Jane, jane-koboi- 3**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or anything else below!**

This is a tale of a girl named Jane. She despised a woman named Bella Swan. One day, Jane was walking through the streets of Forks. She saw Bella. She threw a bomb at Bella and Bella Dancerella exploded.

Jane smiled. But Bella hasn't suffered enough. Jane turned Bella into a human so she could suffer more! She got into a monster truck and ran Bella over. Bella didn't die yet. Jane pulled out a flail and swung it around. She hit Bella's head and her head blew up.

Jane summoned the Little Einstein people. "Climb aboard, get ready to explore! They're so much to find! Little Einstein!"

Leo: What do _your _socks look like?

Bella: What?

Leo: Look at my silly sock!

Bella: Kid, shut up before I—

Leo: ROCKET!

Rocket: Beep, beep?

Leo: Kill this woman. FULL SPEED AHEAD!

Rocket: Beep!

Rocket charged into Bella. She was very…bloody. But not yet dead! Jane smiled, thinking, "More pain!"

Jane brought Edward out and hypnotized him. She whispered something in his ear.

He nodded. "Isabella Swan! I HATE YOU!!!"

Bella looked dumber than I've ever thought possible. "What?"

"I love JANE! Not you!" he yelled.

And yes, my friends, Bella _did _die. The end.

**Please review! **


	16. IM 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything else below!**

**Heidi- iWillFindChocolate, -AnMiEl-Renata, jeframilo- Felix, cupcake adri- Aro, mzjiyah- Corin**

**A/ N: sorry if the names aren't correct! It was impossibly loooong!**

[19:40] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: Heidi met4 old ladies named Corin, Renata, Aro, and Jeffa  
[19:40] iWillFindChocolate: Jeffa  
[19:40] -AnMiEl-: r u in charge of holding him hostage or somtin?  
[19:40] : what?  
[19:40] jeframilo: the  
[19:40] iWillFindChocolate: Your name is Jeffa  
[19:40] -AnMiEl-: I AM NOT AN OLD LADY ARO!  
[19:40] jeframilo: heck  
[19:40] mzjiyah: hahah  
[19:40] jeframilo: what  
[19:40] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: Jeffa was loaded with skittles  
[19:40] iWillFindChocolate: what kinda name is jeffa  
[19:41] iWillFindChocolate: ?  
[19:42] jeframilo: i clicked a random video i cant shut it off!  
[19:42] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: Jeffa and Renata went to Wal-Mart and got baby formula for Mia  
[19:42] -AnMiEl-: ..............  
[19:42] jeframilo: o.O  
[19:42] -AnMiEl-: I hope I got the poisened baby formula...  
[19:42] mzjiyah: ok?  
[19:42] jeframilo: i hope i got poisoned  
[19:42] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: Mysteriously they never came back  
[19:42] -AnMiEl-: WE GOT KILLED?!?  
[19:43] -AnMiEl-: I WAS TOO YOUNG TO DIE!  
[19:43] jeframilo: ahh comeon  
[19:43] -AnMiEl-: BRING ME BAK TO LIFE!!!  
[19:43] jeframilo: i always have to die  
[19:43] iWillFindChocolate: thats a song!  
[19:43] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: so Heidi went to find them and never came back either  
[19:43] jeframilo: this sucks.  
[19:43] -AnMiEl-: no ia  
[19:43] -AnMiEl-: it's  
[19:43] iWillFindChocolate: la  
[19:43] -AnMiEl-: 'bring me to life'  
[19:43] jeframilo: hmmmm  
[19:43] iWillFindChocolate: yah  
[19:43] jeframilo: i wanna kill the narator  
[19:43] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: Aro was left with Heidi  
[19:44] jeframilo: i wanna kill adriana  
[19:44] jeframilo: .....  
[19:44] mzjiyah: wow  
[19:44] -AnMiEl-: bye bye adri!  
[19:44] mzjiyah: ................  
[19:44] jeframilo: wait  
[19:44] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: Then MIa blurted out, "RiRi!'  
[19:44] jeframilo: wtf  
[19:44] iWillFindChocolate: i have 2 go somewhere for like a few minutes brb!  
[19:44] mzjiyah: wth  
[19:44] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: \Adriana said what happened 2 u '  
[19:44] jeframilo: now i really wanna kill adriana  
[19:44] mzjiyah: why?  
[19:45] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: Suprisingly, aDriana saw jeffa, angela, and jiana go through a clear door  
[19:45] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: they had party favors  
[19:45] mzjiyah: wow  
[19:46] iWillFindChocolate: ........  
[19:46] jeframilo: -.-  
[19:46] jeframilo: u suck adriana...  
[19:46] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: THen the lights turned on and she kicked jeffa out  
[19:46] mzjiyah: hahah  
[19:46] jeframilo: yeah i will kill you adriana  
[19:47] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: jeffa was turning pink so he went to get water  
[19:47] iWillFindChocolate: ........  
[19:47] mzjiyah: .............................  
[19:47] jeframilo: i hope u die in this this what is this called  
[19:47] jeframilo: pink  
[19:47] mzjiyah: lol  
[19:47] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: it was dark so he didnt know he was drinkin pee  
[19:47] iWillFindChocolate: .........  
[19:48] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: muhahaha a mysterious voice called out  
[19:48] jeframilo: Pink rocks! and i hope u get killed adriana  
[19:48] jeframilo: i wanna stab u in the back!!  
[19:48] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: but it wasnt adriana's it was  
[19:48] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: voice  
[19:48] mzjiyah: ...........  
[19:48] jeframilo: i wanna kill u adriana  
[19:48] iWillFindChocolate: ...........  
[19:48] jeframilo: oh no i failed a quiz!1  
[19:48] iWillFindChocolate: MS DUCCAS PEE?  
[19:48] mzjiyah: hahahah  
[19:49] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: ms. ducca eventually managed to kill JEFFA  
[19:49] iWillFindChocolate: HE DRANK MS DUCCAS PEE?"  
[19:49] iWillFindChocolate: WTH??  
[19:49] jeframilo: adriana u sick...  
[19:49] mzjiyah: wow  
[19:49] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: JEFFa then went to heaven and peed on rose  
[19:49] mzjiyah: hahahahhahahah  
[19:50] jeframilo: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[19:50] iWillFindChocolate: COOL!  
[19:50] jeframilo: hey anyone got hammer i can borrow for a few minutes?  
[19:50] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: THe pee was actually a fertilizer so  
[19:50] jeframilo: anyone got a hammer!  
[19:50] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: Everyone there was pleased  
[19:50] jeframilo: anyone!?  
[19:50] mzjiyah: lol  
[19:50] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: !!!!  
[19:50] jeframilo: come on one of u has a hammer  
[19:50] iWillFindChocolate: i do!  
[19:51] jeframilo: can i borrow it?  
[19:51] mzjiyah: ahha  
[19:51] iWillFindChocolate: *hands you hammer covered with spikes  
[19:51] iWillFindChocolate: sure!  
[19:51] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: But ADriana was made of steel  
[19:51] iWillFindChocolate: no  
[19:51] jeframilo: hehehehe  
[19:51] iWillFindChocolate: she was made of butter  
[19:51] jeframilo: hey adriana come here.....  
[19:51] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: nothing could break her  
[19:51] mzjiyah: lol  
[19:52] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: hammers were actually therapy for her  
[19:52] iWillFindChocolate: I KNOW!  
[19:52] jeframilo: wtf u stole super mans thing instead of the man of steel its the girl of steel!?  
[19:52] mzjiyah: wow  
[19:52] mzjiyah: WOW

[19:52] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: muhahaha  
[19:52] cupcake adri aka midnight rose: ok thats the end  
[19:52] iWillFindChocolate: *simmons ni hao kai lan characters  
[19:52] jeframilo: hey flamethrower anyone..  
[19:52] iWillFindChocolate: PERFECT!  
[19:52] jeframilo: rintoo.

**Okay… Please review!**


	17. Bad Luck

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight **

Felix walked into the kitchen. As he reached for a potato, he knocked over a container of salt. I'm guessing he didn't notice, because he turned around.

"Felix. Pick that up," I ordered.

"Pick what up, Jane?" he asked.

"The salt," I said.

"SALT?!? Oh no! I'm gonna have bad luck!" he yelled.

"Mmm. Okay," I said.

"What do I do?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" I said.

"What do I do?" he asked.

"Throw pepper over your left shoulder," I instructed.

"We don't HAVE pepper!" he said as he spotted a ketchup bottle. He picked it up and threw it over his left shoulder. He smiled and walked out of the room. Seconds later, I heard him screaming.

"OH NO!" he yelled.

**This happened to me… I'm Felix and my sister is Jane. Please review! **


	18. Apology :D

SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN UPDATING!

I spend mosta my time on youtube…. :D and last week I went to science camp! But from now on I'll try to update as much as I can. ^_^

YAH,

Mi


	19. Felix Goes Emo

**Disclaimer: don't own anything. Except for a box of muffins.**

**Felix goes emo…**

**Jane's POV**

I walked through the hallways of our castle and all of a sudden I heard crying. I skipped into the source of the crying and saw Felix, dressed in black, cutting himself on his bed.

"Felix," I called.

"WHAT?!" he screamed.

"What are you doing."

"CUTTING!"

"Why."

"BECAUSE I'M EMO!'

"Why are you emo."

"BECAUSE THIS WHOLE FUNNY GUY THING ISN'T WORKING OUT FOR ME!"

"Okay." I walked out of his room to rent a salad.


	20. Your Phone's Ringing

**I'm not deeeaddd!..**

**Disclaimer: How do I do this thing again..? Umm.. I don't own.. this story…**

**Felix's POV**

So we were, like, in class right? Then all of a sudden, this weird music started playing! Everyone's like, what—the—fack. So Demetri's all like, "Hey, Santiago! I think your phone's a ringin'."

So Santiago's all like, "What the _hale_, Demetri? Effing _RACIST!_"

They had a joust, Demetri died, and mah story's done, hunn. Buh bye now.

**Short, cuz that's all that happened in class ;D**


End file.
